A close-up of a baby's hands being held by an adult. The baby's hands are small and delicate, with tiny fingers and toes. The adult's hands are large and strong, with a warm and loving grip. The image conveys a sense of tenderness and protection.

Clash of Parenting Philosophies: Montessori vs. Gentle Parenting

Today, parenting is more than just changing diapers and reading stories before bed. It’s a battleground of different philosophies and of doing things. There are many ways to raise children, but Montessori parenting and gentle parenting stand out as the best. But what if we told you that there’s a brewing rivalry between these two? Let’s get into the differences between Montessori and Gentle Parenting, look at the disagreements, and find out why some parents are taking sides in the Montessori vs Gentle Parenting debate.

Montessori Parenting: The Champion of Structure and Independence

Montessori parenting, which is named after the innovative educator Dr. Maria Montessori, is a strong supporter of order, discipline, and helping children become independent. How it works is as follows:

How Montessori parenting works in real life:

  1. Mealtime Independence: In Montessori, children don’t get served; they serve themselves! Don’t make them lunch; they can do that on their own, thank you very much. It’s like the first step in showing them how to look after themselves in the world. 
  2. A Montessori bedroom: Low shelves with minimal toys and books in order are a big deal for Montessori parents. It might look neat, but some critics ask, does it stop children from being creative? Is it just another way of being a helicopter parent? Montessori says it is to avoid distractions and make the room a peaceful place to sleep. Children do not need stimulation when they are going to bed. 
  3. Practical Life Skills: Parents who follow the Montessori method emphasize life skills. Children are busy doing things like folding clothes, sweeping, and watering plants. While it may sound responsible, some wonder if these young children are missing out on their childhood. Montessori says in addition to making children independent, it also helps children to develop confidence and good self-esteem while helping children develop motor skills, coordination etc… which prepares them for academic learning.

A little girl is learning practical life skills by sweeping and mopping the floor. She is holding a broom and mop in her hands, and she is focused on her task. The image conveys a sense of responsibility and independence.


Gentle Parenting: The Hug-It-Out Approach

On the other side of the parenting battlefield stands Gentle parenting, championing empathy, understanding, and emotional connection. It’s the peacemaker of parenting philosophies. Let’s explore:

How Gentle Parenting Works in Real Life:

  1. Listening with Empathy: Gentle parents actually have their ears to the ground. When little Timmy throws a fit because he doesn’t want to leave the field, they get down to his level and talk to him. Critics ask, “Does all this caring make children think they are entitled?”
  2. Getting out of a fight: In the “Gentle parenting” camp, the battlefield is replaced by a table where people can talk things out. Sibling feuds? Instead of sending children to their rooms, they’ll talk about how they feel. Some say it’s making people weak and unable to make decisions.
  3. Bedtime Routine: The Lullaby Brigade: Instead of making their children go to bed at a certain time, gentle parents do relaxing things like read books, share secrets, and sing lullabies. Some people worry that this approach will turn children into night owls.

The Parenting Diplomacy: Finding a Middle Ground

Can these different ideas about how to raise children ever agree?

Quite unexpectedly, yes! Here’s what they have in common:

Morning Routine: Making Peace at Sunrise: Both sides agree to give their children choices about what to wear and what to eat for breakfast, within acceptable limits. It’s kind of like an agreement between parents to start the day.

Resolving Conflicts: Finding a Middle Ground: When it comes to protests over homework, both groups lay down their weapons. They recognize that the child doesn’t want to do it, talk about responsibilities, and give advice. This is how communication works.

Screen Time: Finding a Middle Ground in the Battle for the Remote: Both sides talk about how important it is to have a good mix of screen time. Parents set limits and include their children in decision-making to encourage them to use media in a responsible way.

A family is sitting on a couch, fighting over the remote control in a playful way. They are all laughing and smiling, and it is clear that they are enjoying each other's company. The image conveys a sense of love, fun, and togetherness.


Parents need a lot of tools to get ready for the battle between Montessori and Gentle Parenting. This is where they can get help:

Resources for Montessori Parents:


The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies

Montessori from the Start: The Child at Home, from Birth to Age Three by Paula Polk Lillard and Lynn Lillard Jessen

Montessori: A Modern Approach by Paula Polk Lillard


Websites and Blogs:

Montessori.org: The Montessori headquarters offers articles, videos, and even a directory of Montessori schools.

How We Montessori: Get the inside scoop from a Montessori teacher and parent who spills the beans on practical tips.


Online Courses:

Montessori Teacher Training Online


Gentle Parenting Resources:


The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline by L.R. Knost

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Laura Markham


Websites and Blogs:

Aha! Parenting: Dr. Laura Markham’s website offers articles, parenting tools, and Gentle parenting guidance.

Positive Parenting Solutions: This resource hub has resources and courses for parents on positive discipline strategies.

Finding Balance: The United Front



There is no clear winner or loser in the battle between Montessori and Gentle Parenting. Each method has its own pros and cons, and what matters most is finding the one that works best for your family. In the end, parenting isn’t about taking sides. It’s about having children who are happy, well-adjusted, and emotionally smart. So, remember that the most important fight is the one for your child’s heart and well-being, whether you follow the Montessori method or practice the art of Gentle parenting.


Montessori Diploma 3-6 Years Online Course
Montessori Lower Elementary 6-9 Years Certificate Course
Montessori Certificate 3-6 Years Online Course
Short Certificate Courses 2-6 Years for Parents and Educators